BREAKING NEWS! A 2nd nastygram! link at the bottom.

This is the nastygram I got, in all its font-screwed-up glory.

[headers eliminated]

From: GAF Counse<"">l
Message-ID: <>
Date: Mon, 11 Feb 2002 12:22:24 -0500
Organization: Gibney, Anthony & Flaherty, LLP
X-Mailer: Mozilla 4.75 [en] (WinNT; U)

Oh, good Lord. Windows NT. No wonder they're cranky!

Subject: Re: Copyrighted Barney Images on Your Website

The subject line starts Re: - is this a form letter?

February 11, 2002 BY E-MAIL:

Earlier versions of the nastygram were sent by Classic Mail as well, and in at least one case to a non-existent fax number. I have a non-existent fax number, but Barney didn't even pretend.

Re: Copyrighted Barney Images on Your Website

Oh, maybe this is where the
Re: came from - they can't control their word processor.

Dear Sir or Madam:

It's "Sir." It's pretty obvious from my name, which is all over my site. There's evidence that the Barney Creature is too stupid to read, however; it appears to have just looked at the pictures.

This firm is counsel to Lyons Partnership, L.P. (?Lyons Partnership?), the owners of the children?s character Barney? the purple dinosaur.

A one-joke firm, founded to cash in on the Barney idea, and now branched out into Barney's friends and, well, nothing else.

It has come to the attention of Lyons Partnership that you are operating a website found at

Another piece of wrong information. Never mind.

Your website uses copyrighted Lyon?s Partnership materials and describes the use and threat of violence towards Barney. We are writing to insist that you remove these copyrighted Barney materials.

Admittedly, Barney is enough to drive any adult over the edge, but this description of my page is surrealistic. Wish-fulfillment fantasies on their part, perhaps? Maybe Barney's lawyers secretly wish the Creature harm and are projecting this wish onto innocent websites? I am finding out as I write this that crank psychoanalyzing (if the term is not redundant) is as much fun as crank lawyering, at least for the layman.

The images you are using of Barney are the intellectual property of Lyons Partnership. It is unlawful (pursuant to 17 U.S.C. ? 501(a) and other laws) to use this property without the permission of Lyons Partnership.

I'm not writing a legal analysis, so I can't point out the obvious fact that this representation of the law is crackpot; it's perfectly possible to use intellectual property without permission under certain circumstances.

These materials must be immediately removed.

Well, I did move them (although not in response to this nastygram), and I can move them again, which should be literally re-move. But this probably isn't what they have in mind.

Lyons Partnership would prefer not to have to pursue legal remedies

Considering their stunning lack of success in pursuing legal remedies in the past, I take them at their word on this point.

or contact your Internet Service Provider (?ISP?) and inform it of your unlawful use of copyrighted materials (which is presumably a violation of your ISP?s terms of service).

For all they know, my ISP could be a massive copyright violator offshore somewhere. It isn't, but they do presume a lot, considering they couldn't even be bothered to look up my name.

To avoid this, please provide us with written assurances by February 21, 2002, that these materials have been removed. If we do not receive a response, we will be forced to take other measures to have the content removed.

Actually, I think I'm going to sleep through this.

Please contact the undersigned if you require additional information.

For some reason, I'm not very confident in the reliability of the information they provide. Maybe it's just me.


                 GIBNEY, ANTHONY & FLAHERTY, LLP

                 By: ________________/s/_______________
                              Matthew W. Carlin

I like the little /s/ which reminds me of Superman, dressed up in his pyjamas and toy cape. Maybe they're trolling for Hallowe'en candy?

on to nastygram 2